


A Pirate's Life

by TaleasOldasTimeandSpace



Series: Yet Another Gratuitously Fluffy Darcyland Soulmate AU [27]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Balrog the Bilgesnipe, Crack, Darcyland (Marvel), F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, SHIP DARCY LEWIS WITH ALL THE THINGS, gratuitous references to Celtic rock bands, once again Fury annoys Balrog but it is Triffid that suffers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22513669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace
Summary: One would think a humble Science!Gremlin would be afraid to pick fights with the director of a major intelligence agency.They would be wrong.It is not the Science!Gremlin who should be afraid.
Relationships: Darcy Lewis & Balrog the Bilgesnipe, Jane Foster & Darcy Lewis, Nick Fury/Darcy Lewis
Series: Yet Another Gratuitously Fluffy Darcyland Soulmate AU [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/513673
Comments: 79
Kudos: 420





	A Pirate's Life

**Author's Note:**

> I don't usually do this, but [hope613](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hope613/pseuds/hope613) needed some emergency fluff. Hope this helps :) Good luck with midterms!

‘Looks like your boyfriend's vague blogging about you again.’

Darcy looked up from the game of checkers she was playing with Balrog to glare at Jane. Unfortunately, Jane's eyes were glued to her computer, so Darcy's magnificently blistering scowl went completely to waste.

_‘Not_ my boyfriend.’

Jane flapped a hand in her direction. ‘You say nemesis, I say boyfriend. Potato-tomato.'

‘Congratulations, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers are spinning in their graves right now.’

‘As entertaining as the mental image of Fury doing a tap dance routine is, stop trying to change the subject. We were talking about this latest entry in your very public flirtation with the director of SHIELD.’

Darcy threw a Dorito at the back of Jane's head. ‘Lies! _Slander!_ I thought you were my friend!’

‘Friends don't try to murder each other with junk food.’ Jane pulled the chip from her hair and popped it in her mouth. ‘Mmm, tastes like freedom.’

Darcy glanced at Balrog, who flicked an ear in a bilgesnipe shrug. ‘...is Thor aware of how weird you are?’

‘He thinks it's endearing. You're changing the subject again.’

‘I am _not_ flirting with that pirate! The whole Tower knows we cordially loathe each other.’

‘You say loathe,’ Jane singsonged, ‘I say lov—’

‘ANYWAY.’ Darcy spoke loudly in an attempt to drown out Jane's cackling. ‘I have better things to do than worry about what new misinformation the Eye of Sauron is spreading about me.’ Hopping her checker across the board, she shot Balrog a smug grin. ‘King me!’

Jane shrugged. ‘Suit yourself.’ She turned back to her computer, while Darcy and Balrog continued to play checkers with occasional grunts and muttered comments from both sides.

As Balrog captured her last few pieces, Darcy leaned back in her chair and with elaborate casualness asked, ‘Strictly for curiosity's sake, what did he say?’

Jane let out a deafening whoop. ‘I _knew_ it!’

* * *

It started when Fury made a post on the shared SHIELD/Avengers memo system. Without naming anyone specifically, he made it very clear that people who insisted on bringing their pets to work would be expected to keep strict control of them, lest said owners be held personally responsible for any future destruction of personal property said pets might incur.

The fact that the post appeared shortly after Fury's office was mysteriously vandalized and his prize fern chewed down nearly to the root was, Darcy insisted, purely coincidental. She posted a response the next day, stating that there were no pets at SHIELD or the Tower, just valued members of society, and anyway people who worked in intelligence agencies should know better than to leave their office doors wide open. Anything that may or may not happen in said office as a result was due entirely to their own hubris, she continued, and if they had a problem with that, they should address the person in question directly instead of making vague threats in a semi-public forum.

Diplomatic relations deteriorated from there.

Fury would post something that, while not naming Darcy specifically, clearly referenced something Darcy (or Balrog) said/did/wore the day before. Darcy would respond with a snarky little essay detailing her opinion of his opinion (Dumb), her opinion about whatever he was criticizing (Awesome), and who should take his posts seriously (no one).

Their exchanges were characterized by a vague hostility cloaked in a veneer of excruciating politeness, and they probably could have carried on like that indefinitely. But then Fury took a shot at Darcy's habit of wearing obnoxiously long scarves at all times, and the tone began to change.

In response to his post about safety and appropriate workplace attire, Darcy wrote that people who dressed like Matrix rejects had no right to judge. Besides, scarves were a versatile and stylish accessory, and one only needed to watch any episode of Tom Baker's run to know how useful they were.

Fury wrote back a three page essay (as she'd discovered when she'd gleefully printed it out to hang on the Mullet wall) which explained in detail why anyone with taste knew that Jon Pertwee was the superior Doctor.

Darcy hacked his computer to play all seven seasons of the Fourth Doctor on a loop.

After that, their posts were less antagonistic and more playful, focusing less on work and more on shared interests. They still never addressed each other directly, and Fury still made occasional oblique references to Balrog—to which Darcy would usually retaliate with a dramatic prank.

After Jane read his latest post, which mused on ways to listen to music which didn't include blasting it through the lab speakers, Darcy had gone to enlist Tony's aid in hacking the SHIELD sound system. Tony had patted her on the head and said, ‘Go with JARVIS, my child.’ JARVIS, in turn, helped her write and execute a program that followed Fury around SHIELD, blaring bagpipe rock wherever he went. Darcy was quite proud.

Now she was lying on the couch of the common room, her feet propped up on Balrog while she alternated between reading on her phone and refreshing the memo page to see if Fury had responded to her latest volley. She would have expected him to issue a response so blistering it would melt her phone screen, but so far there was complete radio silence.

No, wait, hang on...

...was that…

...bagpipes…?

She peeked over the edge of the couch, just in time to see Nick Fury push open the doors to the common room like Aragon arriving at Helm's Deep, filling the space with _We Will Rock You_ by the Red Hot Chilli Pipers.

It was quite an entrance. Despite herself, she felt her heart stutter before resuming its normal rhythm.

Oh.

Oh _no._

Jane would be _insufferable._

‘SHE'S GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME,’ he roared.

Darcy sank further into the couch cushions. That wasn't quite the response she was expecting.

An assembly of Avengers trooped in after him, snagging chairs around the room. Clint grabbed a bag of chips off the counter and popped them open, offering them to Nat as they settled in to enjoy the show.

‘What's the matter, Nick?’ Tony asked, a wide grin threatening to split his face in half. ‘Having trouble hearing yourself think?’

Fury jabbed a finger under Tony's nose. ‘I'm glad you find this amusing, Stark,’ he hissed, ‘but I have _had_ it with Miss Lewis’ reign of terror—’

Now that was just _rude._ _‘Excuse you,’_ she yelped, popping up from behind the couch like Punxsutawney Phil, _‘I am freaking adorable!’_

Fury's head snapped around so quickly Darcy was surprised he didn't break anything. _‘Say that again.’_

‘Say what again? That I'm adorable? Of course I am.’

He pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘Of course you are.’

She frowned, reviewing the last ten seconds of conversation. ‘I don't get it. Why…’ She trailed off as her eyes widened. ‘Oh no.’

‘I'm afraid so.’ He jerked his head towards the ceiling, where the Wicked Tinkers had replaced the Chilli Pipers. ‘Look, do you mind…?’

She hopped to her feet. ‘JARVIS, Cut Off.’ _Wallop the Cat_ stopped abruptly. In the silence that followed, Clint's chewing was almost deafening. Darcy did the mature thing and ignored everyone in favour of pacing the room. ‘No. No no no no no. I want a do-over. A refund.’

Fury followed her, his grin positively _evil._ ‘No take backs, Miss Lewis.’

‘I wanted to grow up to _be_ a pirate when I was a kid, not _date_ one!’ she wailed.

Clint leaned toward Natasha. ‘Do you have any idea what's going on?’

She fished a handful of chips from the bag. ‘Darcy and the director just found out they're soulmates.’

Clint snorted. ‘Is that all? I could have told them _that._ Anyone with half a brain could have told them that. Even Tony could tell. Couldn't you, Tony?’

Tony narrowed his eyes. ‘I'm not sure what you're implying, but I think I resent it.’

‘I'm glad you all find my crisis amusing,’ Darcy snarled as she looped past them. Fury trailed after her, hands clasped behind his back and an expression of fascination mixed with unholy glee on his face.

Nat nodded. ‘We really do.’

‘I don't _believe_ this.’

‘You'd best start believing, Miss Lewis,’ Fury added in a truly terrible pirate accent.

‘That does it. JARVIS, Strike In!’ The overhead speakers started pumping out Dropkick Murphys' cover of _The Irish Rover,_ and now it was Darcy's turn to glare at the ceiling. ‘Et tu, JARVIS?’ she asked, barely audible over the sound of the music and Fury's movie villain cackling as he followed Darcy into the hall.

As the noise faded, Tony frowned at the others. ‘Wait, who won the pool?’

**Author's Note:**

> Balrog. Balrog won the pool. Darcy is Betrayed.  
> SHIELD and the Avengers hoped that, now that Darcy and Fury have finally acknowledged the UST in the room, they would stop using the memo system to flirt. Alas, it was not to be. If anything, they're even more obnoxious now that they're doing it deliberately.  
> Triffid has recovered from Balrog's vicious attack, and has regained its natural leafy floof. Balrog is strictly forbidden from entering Fury's office. Balrog and Darcy consider it to be more of a guideline than an actual rule.
> 
> As always, leave your prompts below, or [shoot the breeze](https://taleasoldastime-andspace.tumblr.com/ask) on tumblr. No smut, slash, or polyships, please and thank you.  
> Namarie, my little bilgesnipes!


End file.
